Last Minute Data

She looked at her and shrugged.  ‘Well they might be off?’ she said.

The sharp suited woman continued typing.  Without looking up, she replied.

‘“Off?” What do you mean, “Off?”

Feeling every inch the impudent child standing before her Governess, Dr. Brown shuffled on the spot. 

‘I mean I’m not 100% sure of the validity of the numbers, they seem too low, but I’ve only just received them,’ just like she always did whenever they were questionable. ‘And so I’ve not had a chance to give them my full attention.’

She had only been in this department six weeks – Christ! She had only been in the organisation three months, before she had been plucked, packaged, and prematurely vaulted up, through countless layers of management, and all because her PhD thesis satisfied a ‘trifecta of corresponding, integrity-rich attributes’. The fact that she was not in the slightest bit attractive had also worked in her favour.

Without moving her head, The Suit looked up.  She held Dr. Brown’s eyes for a long moment, then looked her over.

‘Is that your best jacket?’ she asked.

Without thinking Dr. Brown looked down at her outfit.

‘Ah…’

Her arms outstretched; the doctor felt her mouth hanging open. ‘Well, it’s the only one I have here, so…’

The Suit sniffed.  ‘No, nothing. I’m sure it will be fine.’  

She folded the laptop and walked over to a concealed wardrobe in a corner of the room. Inside hung more clothes than the doctor owned, as well as a small collection of makeup, and a half length mirror.

Standing before it, The Suit straightened her jacket, tucked a loose strand of hair behind an ear, and checked her perfect white teeth for lipstick. Dr. Brown suddenly felt every crease and ill-fitting cut in her own off-the-peg suit.

‘I just don’t want to commit us to anything unrealistic,’ she said.  ‘Something that might come back and haunt us down the line.’

The Suit turned.  ‘Listen,’ she said, slamming the cupboard door, ‘just you let me worry about what happens down the line.’ 

She was only a couple of feet away from the Doctor now, her manicured index finger raised between them. 

‘I’ve been in this job long enough to know that it’s not the “so-called numbers” that kill you; it’s the traitorous bastards wielding scabbards outside of your peripheral vision that do you in.’ 

You should know, Dr. Brown thought. If the rumour mill was to be believed, the only reason The Suit had this office was because of the poisoned stories that she had circulated behind her predecessor’s back. She feigned acquiescence. The Suit continued.

‘Now, when we go in that room you let me do the talking. I’ll soften them up, deliver the bad news, and when I cue you in, just make sure you stick to that script.’  She pointed to the document in Dr. Browns hands.

‘All I need you to be is believable.  Do you understand?’

Dr. Brown nodded.

‘Good.’ The Suit raised her chin. ‘Now, let’s get this show started.’

Picking up her folder, she led the doctor out and through a network of darkened corridors, eventually coming to a stop outside a pair of double doors.  A clutch of secretary’s noted their arrival.  The Suit waved them away.

‘Now,’ she said to the doctor, ‘You ready?’

Again, the doctor nodded demurely.

Steeling herself for a split second, The Suit opened the door and made her way into a brightly lit room.  In the middle stood two lecterns.  Dr. Brown followed The Suit and took her place dutifully alongside her superior.

‘Good evening,’ The Suit said.

‘And welcome to today’s COVID-22 briefing.’

Editorial

The inspiration for this one is pretty self explanatory. Do I think the COVID numbers are spurious? I don’t have an opinion (I don’t have the data!), but time will inevitably tell. Do I think that politicians use data to further their arguments? Well, you only have to watch any political debate to see that they do. Do I think we’ll still be in this situation in two or three years time? I bloody hope not!

What I am looking forward to is reading the memoirs of the civil servants and advisers that have been close to the leadership during this whole sorry situation. There are many people whose advice has, I’m sure, been ignored. Hopefully the relatively impartial distance of history – and not an inquests toothless hindsight – will allow us all to know some of what actually happened, and maybe – just maybe – someone might be held to account.

And the inspiration for the antagonist of the story? Well, you should have a Priti good idea of that already!